I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
