jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
