i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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