dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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