So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
