Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
