If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
