On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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