is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
