I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
