You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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