If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
