i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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