How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
