my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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