I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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