So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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