So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
