I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
