That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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