no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
