we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
