So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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