That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
