dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
