Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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