I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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