Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
