do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are the jesus of drinking
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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