one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
