My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
