Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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