I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
