your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
