No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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