No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
