Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
