The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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