talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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