I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
