Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
