I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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