apparently the secret to your success is patron
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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