so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
