I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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