your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
