Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
