I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
