I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
