Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
