if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
