I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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