Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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