Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
a search helicopter?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
