Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
