hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
