Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
