No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
