I hate all girls vehemently.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
