i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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